Team Pussycat Special: Pizza by Faction

Team Pussycat Special: Pizza by Faction is the fifteenth episode from the third season of The Pussycats.

Summary[]

Garfield tastes pizzas from various regions, where the series take part in.

Plot[]

The episode begins with Garfield and Arlene encountering National Pizza Day celebrations in their hometown. Unbeknownst to them, a couple of unsavoury characters are also taking part in the event, promoting own cuisine.

Spoilt Brat Pizza[]

The first stand visited by Garfield and Arlene is run by an obese teenager, who speaks bad English and has alcohol breath. The kiddo only has plastic imitations of pizza on display, yet he keeps asking the protagonists foolish and random questions, mostly about their age and their biology.

Garfield asks the teenager if he has real pizza for taste and the teenager asks Garfield in return if he prefers Oggyland to Europe. Arlene states, that they are wasting their time on the stand and the spoilt brat gets mad, yelling that he will destroy their house. He smashes his stand in a rage while waving his mobile phone and screeching until Mona Pussycat pacifies him with tear gas grenade and Penelope Pussycat kicks the brat in his groin.

Dixieland Pizza[]

The next pizza stand is handled by unfriendly-looking Alabama dwellers: two visibly overweight Klansmen with knavish gazes and their leader, who looks like unshaved Jabba the Hut clad in a Confederate uniform. They offer pizza not visibly edible, as it is baked from expired flour, mouldy ham, rotten vegetables and tomato sauce not looking as it should.

The younger Klansman keeps talking nonsense about having a vendetta on individuals he calls rude names, while the older Klansman, who wears a T-shirt with xenophobic messages printed on, keeps claiming that he is not a xenophobe because he buys translated American comics books from abroad, making sure the foreigners will not have American media in their mother tongues. Dixie Jabba is focused on spewing nonsense about flailing hands.

Garfield does not dare to try the Dixieland pizza. Arlene suggests him leaving the Neo-Confederate stand, hoping the Dixie will not rise again.

Mathematically Perfect Pizza[]

The protagonists spot the third pizza stand, also run by the teenager. Unlike the Spoilt Brat's one, this stand seems well organized and filled with precise measuring vessels. Its proprietor looks like Vault Boy from Fallout series, just clad in a red-and-yellow jumpsuit with Kakistani emblems printed on the jacket.

The boy is busy doing maths on his calculator. Garfield asks him about the pizza he has to show, though the boy yells that he is busy trying to divide some individuals by zero and he has no time for pleasures of mealing. The boy's mother appears and she presents Garfield and Arlene a Margherita pizza apparently done in a hurry, as it has not baked well. The protagonists leave the stand.

Exalted Pizza[]

The following stand Garfield and Arlene attempt to visit seems promising, as it is run by an Italian girl, who calls herself "Cori the Champion of God". Unfortunately, it turns out that the stand's proprietor is an exalted bigot, who claims that pizza is "devilish-demonic invention of American atheists".

Arlene tries to explain Cori, that the American society still remains Christian in the majority and shows her a US Dollar banknote with the signature "In God we Trust". The wannabe "champion of Lord God" gets infuriated in the same way the spoilt brat from the first stand has performed, and she calls Garfield and Arlene out by claiming they are denizens of Hell, damaging her stand in the process.

Cori's exaltation focuses the attention of the Bisitsokoshkha sisters, who have also brought their proletarians to this event. They approach rambling Cori, who does not recognize their presence until Vlondril slaps Cori's cheek with an open hand, leaving her burning scratches on her cheek and calling her a rude term in Russian for Italians. The "exalted champion of God" immediately loses morale and keeps staring at existing demon cats with a dull gaze and opened mouth.

Younger Behemoth's daughters seize Cori and break her arms, while Vlondril shows their captive a bone scepter with a glowing ruby on top. She speaks in Cori's mother tongue, saying in a rude and vulgar way that Cori has epic-failed Lord God and the Bisitsokoshkha sisters shall use Cori as their thrall for the glory of communism.

Proletarian Pizza[]

Having left Cori's stand, Garfield and Arlene encounter a Russian teenager in a yellow Adidas tracksuit, who asks them if they like Woody Woodpecker. Arlene responds with a question, what does the mentioned cartoon have in common with pizza, which infuriates the teenager. He says he is upset that the cats don't like Woody Woodpecker and stomps the floor while clenching his fists and cursing in Russian.

Before Garfield and Arlene decide to leave, they are stopped by Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale, who offer them tastes of pizza they have never thought about to exist. Despite Arlene's warning, Garfield insists to check, what do the Proletarians have on display.

Unlike the previous stands visited by Garfield and Arlene, the Proletarians indeed have actual pizza for tasting. Dolt-on-Istov is handling the most of production, supported by the Woody-Woodpecker obsessed teenager (whose name is revealed as Crazy Nick) and Cori dressed in shackles and not complaining. Cabrath is supervising them, lashing from a whip at Cori and Nick from time to time.

Garfield is given the following pizzas for taste:

Cheeki Breeki Pizza - with beets, lard, and sunflower seeds;
Gopnik Pizza - with fried sturgeon, expired caviar and stuff appearing to be expired cheese;
Red October Pizza - with components from the above pizzas, supplemented with vodka.

Despite Arlene's suggestions, Garfield dares to taste all the three pizzas, which leads to a revolution in his stomach. Sindri tries to joke by saying, that Garfield indeed has a stomach of a capitalist since he does not digest proletarian cuisine. Meanwhile, Cabrath is trying to force Arlene to drink Rasputin Vodka, threatening her with a chain axe, and Nikki keeps complaining in public that nobody in the area likes Woody Woodpecker. Sindri and Vlondril are planning to sacrifice Garfield to their father through a hideous ritual.

The Bisitsokoshkhas' plan is foiled by Team Pussycat - Penelope and Mona open fire from M14 Rifles loaded with blessed rounds, banishing Vlondril and Cabrath back to the Frozen Hell, while Stan keeps the mortal Proletarians in crosshairs of his M60 machine gun. Sindri manages to escape before she gets shot, and she takes Cori and the spoilt brat with herself.

Ian Zaleski gives Garfield cucumber marinara to drink, which purifies his stomach from the proletarian poison. Having thanked the Pussycat Twins for saving them, Arlene is about to take Garfield back home when he states that he would also try the pizza Penelope, Mona, and Kitty bake, as they are the best-skilled cooks he knows. After a brief discussion, team Pussycat agrees to give Garfield the taste of the meals they cook on the condition he pays them 1000 USD for ingredients and labour.

Pussycat Pizza[]

Garfield is served the pizza of his choice - filled with mozzarella and an assorted selection of meats. The meal does not cause him any stomach issues since it was crafted by true masters of Italian cuisine - Penelope, Mona, and Kitty. Delilah and the Zaleski brothers make sure Garfield pays the arranged amount of money.

Back in Moscow, Sindri prepares her captives to be used as sacrifices to have her sisters return to the mortal world. She draws a glass of blood from the Spoilt Brat, mixes it with Rasputin Vodka and milled bones, then she incinerates the mixture and calls her sisters. Instead of Vlondril and Cabrath, Doltie, Boris and Natasha are summoned from the American prison. Sindri repeats the process with Cori's blood as an ingredient - it winds up with the pot exploding and charring the room. The KGB guards enter the chamber with captured Dixies, who came to Moscow without a valid reason.

Sindri uses their blood as a component and the recall succeeds - a portal opens and the remaining two Behemoth's daughters come back to the mortal world. Vlondril orders to send the Dixies to the food processing plant as a food source, relocate Cori to a gulag in Siberia and put the Spoilt Brat for brainwashing, so he could be used as a spy. When her younger sisters ask, where did she get the idea, Vlondril presents them the teenager, who was running Mathematically Perfect Pizza and his mother, who advised her.

Characters[]

The Comintern[]

Other bad guys[]

The Spoilt Brat
The Dixies
Crazy Nick
Cori the Wannabe Champion of God
The Mathematically Perfect Pizza teenager
The Mathematically Perfect Pizza teenager's mother

Team Pussycat[]

Neutral[]

Garfield
Arlene

Trivia[]

The bad guys outside the Comintern are based on a couple of unsavoury characters the author of the series has encountered online.