Dolt-on-Ism: Je Suis Doltie is the thirteenth episode from the second season of The Pussycats.
The Comintern deploys Dolt-on-Istov to aid the French communist party in Paris.
Having lost the elections in France, the French communist party asks Moscow for backup to consolidate themselves and repeat the Paris Commune of 1871. The Vyerkhuskha agrees to send Dolt-on-Istov as a socialist advisor.
The hosts are happy to accompany a member of the Russian Communist Party, while Doltie does not return the enthusiasm - the lack of strong alcohol disturbs him as much as the fact that the local leftists are not as homogenous society as their Moscovian counterparts, especially those members, who would have been sent to Gulag "for the Purpose of Protecting Children from Information Advocating for a Denial of Traditional Family Values", had they been active in Russia.
The local disciples of Marxism do their best to appease their guest from Moscow, who gets partially convinced to them after being given the latest issue of "Charlie Hebdo" magazine and a bottle of illegally obtained champagne. A member of the local leftist society by the name Meowrice Beaucoup offers Dima a deal: Meowrice will help Doltie in his plots in exchange for helping Meowrice getting to Russia and obtaining the local citizenship. When nobody else is seeing, Doltie contacts Sindri Bisitsokoshkha through radio and tells her about Beaucoup, she agrees to aid him in exchange for his soul.
Sometime later, the French Communist Party takes Dolt-on-Istov to the French Parliament to obstruct legislation developed by their political opponents. Much to Doltie's dismay, the local proletarians limit themselves to insult the rest of the parliament verbally instead of grabbing arms and starting A revolution just like it happened in Russia in November 1917.
Dolt-on-Istov comes to the conclusion, that the French socialists need the proper fuel for their revolution instead of champagne and croissants. Meowrice convinces Doltie to use his decanter of endless Ethanol, so more people in France will taste Rasputin Vodka. Dimitri finds a cafe not very far from the French communists' headquarters and does his best to pollute the customers with the fuel of the proletariat.
Unbeknownst to Doltie, this cafe is visited by middle- and higher-class French societies, who understand that any form of socialism cannot work in reality. Having found enough empty vodka bottles in trash cans, Doltie fills them with alcohol from his decanter of endless Ethanol and does his best to nag the cafe visitors for the suspicious booze. Dolt-on-Istov encounters a female Angora cat by the name Mewsette, who is waiting for her man and attempts to give her the prepared booze. The way Doltie mixes English with French and Russian do not impress his wannabe customer.
Just before Mewsette's husband Jaune Tom comes back to their table, Doltie gets mad that he encountered a non-leftist French and compares Mewsette to Poles and Americans he hates with such passion. Jaune Tom makes an intervention - he grabs Doltie's collar and throws him outside the cafe. Mewsette calls Penelope Pussycat from her mobile phone and tells her about Dolt-on-Istov she encountered with Jaune Tom.
After the cafe incident, Doltie's hosts from the French Communist Party try the booze Dimitri wanted to pollute "the Paris bourgeoisie" with - the ethanol strikes the local proletariat so hard they have to postpone torching churches and synagogues they planned for this week. A couple of days later, the local disciples of Marx are still suffering from a hangover, yet they attempt assaulting mosques with plungers and toilet brushes in the name of state atheism. Doltie argues, that those weapons are lousy ones, yet the top hosts do not listen to him.
The new Paris Commune engages in combat with their targets - Doltie and Meowrice avoid being arrested by dressing themselves in "borrowed" bedclothes and cheating the French Police, that they came to the mosque for Friday prayers. Undisturbed by the locals, the proletarians head towards the Russian embassy in Paris, hoping to reach Moscow.
Meanwhile, Team Pussycat has arrived in France and they interrogate the members of the French communist party caught by the Police. Jaune Tom and Mewsette act as interpreters. The members of the new Paris Commune testify Doltie's presence and that one of them has betrayed them during the mosque raid. Stanisław Zaleski claims that he has a plan, how to take over the missing members of the proletariat.
The trip to the Russian embassy in Paris has exhausted Dolt-on-Istov and Meowrice. Doltie suggests they need a break, especially since he needs to refill his "fuel of the proletariat". Meowrice unwillingly agrees and they find another cafe around the street. Having seated themselves, Doltie calls a waiter and orders something to drink. The waiter leads them to a room inside the cafe, telling them to wait there for being seated.
The proletarians enter the room to be ambushed by Team Pussycat members pointing AK-47 rifles at them. Penelope grabs Doltie's radio when Sindri tries to contact them and tells the Demon-cat that they will exchange Dimitri and Meowrice for 10 political prisoners held by the KGB in Moscow. Sindri attempts to open a portal to grab Doltie and Meowrice, but the spell fails since the cafe is located near a Church. Vlondril Bisitsokoshkha attempts to cast the same portal spell and she also fails - while her younger sister is cursing in Russian, Vlondril unwillingly agrees for the exchange in the Polish-Russian border southwards to Kaliningrad.
At the border, Team Pussycat takes Doltie and Meowrice, guarded by Stan, IAN, Delilah, and Jaune Tom with AK-47 rifles. On the opposite side of the border, Sindri awaits them with a squad of KGB guards and the promised ten political prisoners taken for exchange. Bisitsokoshka calls the Pussycat Twins to hand over Dimitri and Meowrice, Penny replies that let the Comintern show their goodwill first. having recognized additional Polish and American soldiers with fighting vehicles positioned on the opposite side of the border, Behemoth's daughter agrees on the prisoners of socialism to pass first. She tells her henchmen from the fifth KGB department to hold fire.
When the former KGB prisoners cross the safer part of the Polish-Russian border, Dolt-on-Istov and Meowrice head to the opposite side. Before leaving, Meowrice asks Penelope if he can count on asylum in the American embassy in Moscow, in case he gets fed up with socialism. He gets two slaps on his cheeks in response and a kick in his butt from Stan.
Once the prisoner exchange is done, Sindri admits she tried to teleport Doltie and Meowrice even through the border, but something blocked her spellcasting abilities and exhausted her. It turns out that the pocket Holy Bible Stan has been carrying with himself caused Sindri's black magic to fail.
- Jaune Tom
- Penelope Pussycat
- Mona Pussycat
- Stanisław Zaleski
- Ian Zaleski
- Delilah Pussycat
- Kitty diVono
The episode's name is a pun to "Charlie Hebdo" magazine. The similarities also include the presence of the French leftists and their regular activities.