Cheeki Breeki I V 'Dolta ("One, two and you're on Dolt" in Russian) is the Eleventh episode from the third Season of The Pussycats.
The Comintern members are testing "Flames of War" and "TANKS" tabletop games, by comparing those to the Russian-made one "The Art of Tactics". supposed-to-be a family-fun activity quickly turns into a cheating rumpus.
During a spy mission in the United Kingdom, Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale and Paskudnikov commanded by Sindri Bisitsokoshkha Witness people in one of the pubs in London playing "Flames of War" and "Tanks" tabletop games. Their contact from the British Communist Party named Limp Lenny tells them, that those games are pretty popular in the UK, even some of the fifth columnists from the Labour Party enjoy it. Lenny does not enjoy those since he considers rolling dice as "a decadent bourgeoisie activity reminding him Ancient Roman higher class"; yet Sindri orders him to obtain sets for those games.
Being short on money and his mind, Lenny attempts to steal the starter sets from the gamers in the pub, which ends up with his arms broken by the angry pub clients. While Lenny is being lolloped, Boris asks one of the participants, where can the starter sets be bought and he is directed to a modeling shop selling tabletop games. Meanwhile, the Police arrive and it turns out that Limp Lenny has been chased for pick-pocketing, frauds and alimony evasion. Sindri hands him over to the Police officers and receives 2000 GBP reward from the patrol leader.
Having reached the modeling shop, the Comintern members are experiencing trouble in choosing the proper set to buy - being Russian communists themselves, they naturally choose the "Stalingrad Starter Set" for "Flames of War", while getting to "TANKS" disgusts them due to the content of the box. After all, the real vanguards of the Proletariat shall not play as Americans against the Germans. The confused shop keeper offers them "TANKS the Modern Age" starter set with two T-64 tanks and one M1 Abrams tank models and "Hammerfall Starter Set" for "Team Yankee".
Boris insists on getting the WW2 starter set for "TANKS", Paskudnikov keeps pressing to get the Modern Age starter set, while Natasha is feeling uncomfortable in the shop until she discovers "Magic the Gathering" card sets, which attract her attention. Finally, Sindri makes an intervention and forces her subordinates to agree on her choice. The Moscovian proletariat leaves the shop with the following items:
- "Stalingrad Starter set" for "Flames of War"
- all the Soviet armour company sets for Mid-War and Late-War, except the Lend-Lease tanks
- Enough Soviet infantry company sets to deploy an entire brigade of the red infantrymen
- a couple of German armour and infantry platoon sets
- "Hammerfall Starter Set" for "Team Yankee"
- additional Soviet armour, aircraft and infantry sets for "Team Yankee"
- both "TANKS" starter sets
- Soviet dice sets for the aforesaid games
- all the "Magic the gathering" decks from the current edition.
and with 1500 GBP in Sindri's purse, due to the fact she and Natasha managed to charm the shop keeper and get a bargain for the products they purchased.
Back in Moscow, the No-goodniks are assembling the models for the acquired games. Building the Soviet tanks goes smoothly, trouble appears when it comes to model German and American tanks. Dolt-on-Istov complains about a Lend-Lease Valentine tank being present in the "Stalingrad Starter Set", while Igor Tolstyi messes Panzer III and Panzer IV parts, which results in building non-existent German tanks. Boris and Vova are arguing about modeling the Soviet infantry - Badenov wants to paint their uniform in ochre yellow colour (typical for the Southern parts of the Eastern Front), while Paskudnikov would prefer khaki green (more common in the central and Northern parts).
Sindri is forced to intervene again - first, she uses dark magic to repair Igor's mistakes and transform the Valentine tank model into a KV-1 M42 tank model, then she picks figurines for green and for ochre uniform colours. Later on, Bisitsokoshkha is supervising American tank model assembly, since none of her proletarians has seen an M1 Abrams tank even in photographs. Due to their anti-Americanism, the American tank is completed with the weaker 105mm gun instead of the 120mm one. Finally, the Sherman sprues from the "TANKS WW2 Starter Set" are not used from the exact same reason the M1 tank was not assembled with the better gun. Sindri decides to dispose of them.
Once the models are completed and painted, two of the proletariat members elect to play "TANKS WW2". Boris elects to play the German Panther tank, while Doltie is deploying his T-34s in lieu of the Shermans. Both No-goodniks have trouble in rolling enough to hit their opponent's tank, finally, Boris rolls 5, yet Doltie manages to roll 6 and defend the shot. The game ends with Boris's Panther tank being destroyed only because he did not roll enough to resist shots from Doltie's t-34 tanks.
At the same time, Tolstyi and Paskudnikov are trying out "The Stalingrad starter set" - Igor is playing the Germans and Vova is commanding the Soviets. Despite using a KV-1 model transformed from Lend-Lease Valentine tank, the unit card remains for the Valentine tank, which is disturbing both players. Since his opponent is cheating, Igor lowers to his level by using King Tiger tank unit card with a model manufactured by Zvezda, which only adds to the mess. The game winds up with Igor and Vova pounding each other with fists.
While the male part of the Comintern is busy "replaying World War 2 battles on the tables", Olga Salotchkinaya and Natasha Fatale are trying to play "Magic the gathering". Both are using red decks, officially to make the game more balanced. Two hours pass away and both Natasha and Olga run out of their instant cards and creature cards, not being close to defeat each other. While Igor and Vova are busy pummeling each other, Olga takes the Soviet unit cards for "Flames of War" and Natasha gets the German ones. The problem is that Fatale and Salotchkinaya cannot make up their mind about mana cost for WW2 tanks and infantry.
During the tabletop game rumpus, Sindri enchants with dark magic six dice from the starter sets, bestowing a "Roll 1 curse" upon them, so they always cause to roll only 1. Paskudnikov and Tolstyi are too bruised to enjoy the gaming, while Natasha and Olga have given up "Magic the Gathering" as too complicated for their standards. This time Dolt-on-Istov and Badenov are playing "The Stalingrad Starter Set" and both play as the Soviets. Sindri presents them the cursed dice, not telling them about their enchantment. As it can be expected, both Doltie and Boris keep rolling 1 with the dice, which causes them to suspect the dice have been loaded.
The next day the comrades are presented "The Art of tactics" tabletop game made by Zvezda. Since it is made by a Russian company, they do enjoy it, but only because they are promoting the products of their own industry. However, the sentiment does not prevent them from cheating, mostly by rolling dice under the table or placing the units on the edge of the map hexes, which disturbs in measuring the firing range. Boris does a trick, which disqualifies him from playing - he uses "Flames of War" unit cards for "The Art of Tactics". He gets punished by Sindri cutting his weekly Rasputin Vodka supply to half a bottle.
Bisitsokoshkha also receives a phone call from the British Communist Party leader, complaining that Limp Lenny has died in prison because his cellmates beat him to death for his ideological beliefs. Sindri explains him the Jean Marty-Maslennikov law about "the Human life being worth exactly 75 US cents - as much as one firearm round used to kill that human" and she interrupts the call. The top revolutionary from London dares to call Sindri again on the phone - this time she threatens him with infernal condemnation in his afterlife, which calms him down for sure.
Being ordered to dispose the unused Sherman tank sprues from "Tanks WW2 Starter Set", Dol-on-Istov throws them to the Vistula Lagoon, hoping those would contaminate the waters on the opposite part of the Russian-Polish border.
The sprues float around the shore to the village Nowa Karczma in the Polish side of the Vistula Lagoon, where Zaleski Brothers are resting with their families. Stanisław Zaleski manages to fish out the two sprues, which remain in a surprisingly good condition. Having recognized the pieces, Stan cleans those from water and builds two welded-hull Sherman tank models with interchangeable turrets. After the assembly and basic painting is completed, Penelope Pussycat and Mona Pussycat paint American stars with brushes on the models' turrets and hulls, so Penelope's and Stan's son Adam (also Mona's nephew) has a gift for his birthday.
- Boris Badenov
- Natasha Fatale
- Igor Tolstyi
- Olga Salotchkinaya
- Sindri Bisitsokoshkha
- Limp Lenny
- the pub clients
- the Police patrol
- Penelope Pussycat
- Mona Pussycat
- Stanisław Zaleski
- Adam Pussycat-Zaleski
- Mary-Ann Zaleska (cameo)
- "Oh! Muh spleen!" - Limp Lenny being pounded by the pub clients after caught red-handed on his theft attempt.
- "Dose tanks no socialist enough!" - Paskudnikov commenting on Lend-Lease American and British tank models.
- "Oh Kome on, Vova, someone haz to play Pindostani so da sekond someone vell play da Sovyets." - Boris Badenov to Paskudnikov.
- "Smirna po Eskadrona, vy Samtchye Yevraki!" ("Company ten hut, you male maggots!") - Sindri Bisitsokoshkha calming down Boris and Vova in the modeling shop.
- "Say Dorlink, are dose Kards vith monsters and paintinks suitable for playink poker?" - Natasha Fatale to the shop keeper.
- "Whut iz dat?! Brit tank in Stalingrad set!? Kapitalist lie!" - Dolt-on-Istov denying the existence of Lend-Lease tanks in WW2.
- "Sindri, did Tank Tri ("Panzer III" in Russian) have long-barrel guns?" - Igor Tolstyi struggling with German tank assembly.
- "Now we're talkink! Soviet Tank is Best Tank!" - Doltie witnessing Sindri transforming the Valentine tank model into the KV-1 tank model.
- "Anyone see dat Pindostani tank surpassing our tanks? I dunno hoe do build it!" - Paskudnikov having trouble with M1 Abrams tank model.
- "You! Doltie! No poach Muh Panther!" - Boris Badenov being mad that Dolt-on-Istov rolled enough to shot Boris's tank.
- "Wish ah knew, who gave us so ugly monsters in dis kard game." - Olga Salotchkinaya failing to understand, that the red deck in "Magic the Gathering" is not supposed to refer to "the communist paradise on Earth".
- "Hoe mutch mana kost T-34 tank?" - Natasha Fatale trying to play a T-34 tank card in "Magic the Gathering".
- "You play da Sovyetz and me play da Sovyetz. Vell be honest." - Dolt-on-Istov to Boris Badenov playing the "Stalingrad Starter Set".
- "Why are dose dice keep rollink one? Are dose made in Pindostan or in the Vistulan Land?!" - Boris Badenov to Dolt-on-Istov playing the "Stalingrad Starter Set".
- "Dose Dice are Pindostani design made in the Vistulan Land." - Sindri Bisitsokoshkha testifying a lie about the dice she enchanted with the Roll-only-one curse.
- "badenov! Cheating in a game made by our own industry is a crime against the Proletariat! You deserve a headshot in your forehead, but since I know you personally, you won't get vodka supply for the rest of this week. Treat this as a sign of my mercy!" - Sindri Bisitsokoshkha punishing Boris Badenov for cheating in "The Art of tactics".
- "Listen up, Dave - you shouldn't complain about Limp Lenny's death in the name of communism. Andre Marty did state that "Human life is worth 75 Pindostani Cents, as much as the cost of a firearm round to kill that human. Deal with it." - Sindri Bisitsokoshkha replying to the first phone call from the British Communist Party leader.
- "If ya keep pestering me, I'll make sure you wind up in the part of hell, where capitalism flourishes and where they hate the proletariat. Now scram, ya gin-drinking fractionist!" - Sindri Bisitsokoshkha replying to the second phone call from the British Communist Party leader.
- "Time to pollute oar neighboars from da Vest! Hehehehe" - Dolt-on-Istov throwing the sprues to the Vistula Lagoon.
- "Of course the Katsaps had to throw away the stuff they dislike. Hopefully, we'll have a nice gift for Adam's birthday tomorrow." - Stan presenting Penelope and Mona the sprues he fished out in the Vistula lagoon.
- The episode's name is a pun to A quote used by NPCs in "S.T.A.L.K.E.R: Shadow Of Chernobyl". The full quote in phonetic English is "A nu cheeki breeki i v damke." It translates into English into "One, Two- You're on top!" In reference to checkers of stacking to make a king. It is a metaphor for having the advantage, to flank, etc.
- Paskudnikov and Boris Badenov are intentionally speaking botched English in the modeling shop in London - to reflect their poor educational background.